Georgia Rattler

     Ok so I thought I would give you an update on my peeling face.  If you missed it, read about it here. So as you may have guessed, I am still peeling and still not ready to show you what it looks like.  I can see improvement already (in my unfortunate scarring), but the peeling is pretty damn gross.  I promise to do a before and after next time.  Sorry y'all.

It's good for your skin! (that's what he said)

Dirty little gutter mind.  That's not what this is about! Pervert. 
This post is about me.  Like always.
I gave myself a chemical peel (facial) of 25% T.C.A. yesterday and frankly, it burned like a mofo and today I'm peeling like a Georgia Rattler.  I look pretty damn awful and I'm hoping this process will hurry up so I can go out in public without looking like a freak.  No pictures today.  Maybe tomorrow.  I'll keep you updated...For now, Ill return to my molting in the confounds of my bedroom.

Public Service Announcement: Please do not try this at home!  I have been receiving T.C.A. peel from a doctor as well as at home for over 2 years. Giving yourself a chemical peel of any type, can cause burns and scaring that can not be reversed, Also 25% is a cery highly acidic peel. Start lower.
OK. Now don't go doing anything dumb.
-ME

Shitty Mcgraw. Nasty A.F.

     Few things scare me more than shitting myself.  Very few.  There is really only one. (2 if you count bears, but you aren't counting, right?) Ok so the one thing that scares the literal and figurative shit out of me, is shitting myself during my first marathon.  Why would I have such a hideous and revolting thought? Because of this guy:

He shit himself during a marathon and kept on running like a gawt damned fool!  Talk about determination (or sheer stupidity)!  What ever you want to call it, I gotta give it to  him for finishing the race, albeit in 21st place.  I suppose I would have kept running too.  The only thing worse that being know as the runner who crapped themselves in the middle of a race with flash bulbs blinking and fellow runners jeering, is being the runner with with brown goo oozing out of your Nike shorts AND being a quitter.  I wish I could say that this wont ever hapen to me but 2 facts keep me from makeing such a staement: 1. I poo ALL the time.  after every meal, and at least 3 times a day.  2. Runners trots hit me at mile 5. Every. Time.  So what Do I do? Now that I have found this sport, I can't give it up, but I also dont want to end up like the poor schmuch above.

Thanks you Shitty Mcgraw for scaring me crap-less. Literally. 

Any advice?
Have you ever crapped yourself during a long run?

RUN FOR IT!

Dramatic? yes, a little. I'm always that way. By now, most of you know that I have been diagnosed with AADHD (or Adult Hyper Activity Disorder). While I think that ADHD itself is waaaaaaay over diagnosed, I think my Dr. may have hit the nail on the head.  I don't have time, nor do I have any interest in telling you all about AADHD and its symptoms. (thats what google is for heffa!).
     N-E-Way...I suddenly understand this feeling that I have had for many years.  The need to run.  Sometimes I just feel like bolting for the door and running like Pocahontas through the Georgia Forests! Lots of things have stopped my from doing so.  From my fat ass (that jiggles.HARD), to homeschooling 4 children, there is always a reason to supress that burning urge to run. I

Another excuse: Lame ass running shoes.

     Frankly, I can't fight it anymore.  I will tell you all about the nervous breakdown that fueled my recent decision, but for now, all you need to know, is that today, October 23, 2012, I become a runner. Period. To be continued...

Am I really about to Run? Because I want to?

                                

How to hate running: 101

So lots of people want to know how/why/when I learned to hate running. Read about that here. So...Did you read it? Now that you are caught up...Continue reading the posts on running to see my journey from lazy mom of 4 to fabulous running machine!

The empty corner...

There is a hideous empty corner in my room.  Its begging for some flair (and a space for my plethora of accessories) watch as I transform it just one day!

Tuesdays Suck (my Debby Downer post)

   
Does anyone else feel like tuesdays are really the worst day of the week? I hear people complain about mondays a lot because it a back to work/school day, bur I actually love Mondays! That's the day I have finally recovered from my weekend debauchery and I feel refreshed and ready to take on anything.  Wednesdays are awesome too. (humpday. DUH!). Thursdays rule because its soooooo close to Friday and Friday's are awesome just on GP.  I mean, think about it, there are restaurants named to declare its fantastic-ness! Saturday and Sunday don't even need my help here.  The weekend is my bread and butter...
   BUT TUESDAYS...
ohhhhhhhh TUESDAYS!
    I loathe them. Boring, Lame, mudane, and painful are a few words that come to mind when I think of the day following hopeful Mondays and preceeding the week-end warriors ray of hope Wednesdays. It's too far from Friday to give me any hope, and its too close to Sunday to erase the memories of last weekend.
     So here I am, still laying in bed, searching the internet for inspiration to get out of bed and make strides toward being a contributing member of society.  I still haven't found any. Pray for me y'all!

Halloween and Boobs! My 2 favorite things...

   So I get a lot of flack because my favorite Holiday is Halloween.  Mostly from my Christian friends and family.  Weird though, because I too, am  Christian.  Don't get me wrong.  I love the other major Holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, but frankly, however hackneyed this may sound, the over commercialization of these holidays makes me sick! Hardly anyone is concerned with giving and while most people claim to love these days because of some Christ centered reason that they heard repeated by their parents and grandparents, the real reason people love Christmas, is the presents. Period.  Americans love Thanksgiving because we are the fattest nation on the planet and any excuse to gorge ourselves is good enough.  Slap on the whole, "being thankful" rhetoric and you have a pseudo-meaningful reason to stuff your face.
     So I proudly say that I love the one holiday where people are allowed to be whatever they want even in a society that forces us into boxes everyday.  I love the time of the year where things are rapidly changing and everyone actually seems happy about it.  I love that October has become  the time of year where women actually stop for a moment to take think of themselves as well as other women.
     This is a really awesome time of year.  Soak it up.  Pumpkins and pink ribbons...What's not to Love?!

What is your favorite thing about fall?
What are you dressing up as this Halloween ?

day 2 getting Prepped for a glorious OCTOBER!

The months seems to be racing by this year and in an effort to stay "present" i'll be posting something new every day. Gonna need lots of redbull this month!                                               -have fun little Monsters!

AHA!

The mind is responsible for a lot more than we may sometimes care to admit. What the hell am I babbling about?  Well, have you ever heard of the law of attraction? Its kinda like that. What ever you think about, or focus on, is what you attract. It's something I have believed in for years. I've seen it in action nearly everyday, yet the one area of my life that I have failed to use it in is my weight loss. I have never seen myself as a thin person. In fact, when I weigh in and have not lost the weight I wanted, I concentrate on the feeling of being "fat" all day long. Focusing on that feeling causes me to be a "Debby Downer" all day, which then causes me to eat more (all day), causing more weight gain, and and endless cycle of ups and downs.
      The other thing that has been sabotaging my weight loss recently is the fact that I have a "cheat day". It sounds harmless, but for me (a true blue foodie), a cheat day turns into a calorie packed cheat weekend, and sometimes that's three whole days of eating whatever the hell my fat-ass can get my hands on. Beer, (my weakness), bacon, cheese, ice cream, and occasionally (OK, more than occasionally) a maple bacon cupcake from that cute little bakery around the corner. So after eating a clean diet and exercising for 4 days, I have ruined any progress I might see on the scale.  Combined with fervent disdain for exercise, I have created a mind-boggling plateau.  Its enough to make anyone want to quit.  This is where the final part of my "AHA moment" comes in...
     Its so easy to quit.  Easy to get that overwhelming feeling that for whatever reason, you just aren't meant to be thin.  That you will never be healthy. Don't let those thoughts creep in!  Plateaus are hard to break but it CAN be done.  Take my friend Holly who worked for 5 months to break one.  Now that's dedication!  That's what it takes to change years of bad habits: Dedication.  You have to keep going.  You can change things that aren't working after you have given them a chance.  You can adjust your diet for what works for your body.  You can tweet your exercise routine if it get boring or stops being effective, but the one thing you cant do, is QUIT. So here is the run down on what I have learned in this epiphany:

1. Focus on being thin! 
2. Don't have a cheat day. (cheaters never win.) instead use moderation and don't deprive yourself.
3.  Don't see plateaus as failure.
4. Exercise (ugh)
5. DON'T QUIT!

Soooooo...What have you learned during your weight loss journey? Did you have an AHA moment?

UPDATE!

So after about 7 days (1 week) of using the raspberry ketones, dried green plums, and green coffee extract, I lost a total of 3 pounds. For some odd reason that dwindled from the 4.5 pounds I thought I had lost. Still Good though. This coming week I have decided to eliminate the green coffee extract to see what happens with just the raspberry ketones. So there you have it. I still have about 18 pounds to lose. Some days it seems like a never ending uphill climb, but you know what?: I can't honestly say that I have given my all. I eat lousy at least 3 days a week and I hardly ever exercise. If I got my ass in gear and kept my eating clean, I would have probably already reached my goal. I'm bummed that I'm still so far away from my goal weight, but I will not give up. I'm half way there. So starting tomorrow, I reeeeeeaaaaally am Going to exercise at ,east 5 days a week. I can do this, and frankly, I HAVE to do this if I'm going to be Cat woman for Halloween ( a costume that can easily look like a black stuffed sausage with kitty ears).

MY FIRST GIVEAWAY!!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

My natural hair regimen

STEP 1. While hair is still dry, I coat the ends with coconut oil and conditioner.
STEP 2. Pin hair up. Cover  with plastic cap (optional step: use heat cap or low dryer) (30 min)
STEP 3. Co-wash hair in luke warm water.
STEP 4. Apply moisturizing conditioner
STEP 5. Rinse with cold water
STEP 6. Stretch hair with banding or dryer method
STEP 7. BE A FABULOUS NATURAL

Raspberry letones, green coffee extract, green plums UPDATE.

     I got up, peed, yada, yada, yada, and I weighed myself this morning.  Down only a half a pound.  Not a lot, but I'll take it! As you may have noticed, I totally forget about the dandelion root tea, but I do want to try it this week.  I hear that it is a good detoxifier and a mild diuretic.  Normally, diuretics are not my thing, but since Aunt Flo is in town and she tends to bring almost  pounds of water with her every month, I figure the dandelion root tea is a better idea than Diurex.  So far, the combo of green plums, green coffee extract, and raspberry ketones, have helped me shed 3,5 pounds this week.  Some may be water weight, but I really think I lost some fat and waste from my colon. I think I'm going to lay off of the scale until Saturday when my cycle ends.  As you may remember, my goal weight is 140 lbs, so I would need to lose 2.5 pounds per week in order to be Milftastic by Halloween.  I really need to start working out guys! Any pointers? Any really interesting new work outs? I am starting to see myself getting "Skinny fat".  You know, the kind of thin that's all flabby and dimply?  That's because most of my weight loss can be attributed to changing my diet and little to no exercise.  I am NOT advocating NOT exercising!  You must, and I MUST exercise.  So I'm starting today.  I'll keep you updated! Weigh in and picture on Saturday so stay tuned!

Current weight:158.5 pounds
Starting weight: 180 pounds
Pounds Shed: 21.5
Pounds to go: 18.5

Tuesdays... WHYYYYYYYYYY?!

     Today is Tuesday. One day away from hump day, which, if you ask me, is not all that exciting itself. I hate the idea of thinking of any day as "sucktastic", but whatever.  It is what it is. Tuesdays are lame and everyone know it, so I have no choice by to spice it up with my newest Idea! Ready? ok, Its called: TUTORIAL TUESDAYS! Its pretty self explanatory, but if you are a little dense in the thinking area, here's a rundown: Every Tuesday, I will do a tutorial in which I will teach you something seriously awesome, useful, pretty, or a combo of the 3.  So I'll see you guys later on when I figure out what I want to do! Be sure to come back and see me!

Milftastic Mondays

Milftastic Mondays!

I really wanted to show you guys an awesome picture of me with high heels and hair "did", but frankly, I looked like a walking turd today and refuse to be forever immortalized as a chicken head on the web. Instead, I will share with you today's project.  My daughters helped me put together the IKEA KURA loft beds for their room.   Here's the story: (sigh.FML)

It all started when I got up this morning with a song in my step for some damn reason! I woke at 4:30 a.m., forced my partner to talk to me and listen to my musings on life until 7:30 a.m., at which time I jumped out of bed, peed, poo'ed and got super naked in order to weigh myself.  Down another pound!!!! Sweet! I looked in the mirror to see where I was losing the most weight and was caught off guard by the stupid grin on my face.  Its just a freaking pound, right? No need to be so damn happy, right? Anyway, I digress.  The stupid pound got me to thinking that I could do anything.  I ran down a list of things I had been procrastinating  putting off and decided on setting up the loft style bunk beds for the kidlets.  The wife said she would do it, but why wait?  "How hard can it be?" I said. "How long could it take?" I said.  "Damnit! I got this!" I said ...

Turns out, I don't "got this."  I sucked at "this."  in fact, what should have taken a normal human being less than an hour or so, took yours truly faaaaar longer.  Fast forward 5 hours , 15 minutes, and ten chipped finger nails later.  I was soaked in sweat, nearly starving, and finally finished.  "You are really slow at that mama", said my 4 year old. "Shut up minion!, I said under my breath. Now normally I would go ahead and leave out the fact that my project could have been more successfully completed by a 3 year old, but I wanted to show y'all how much of a "ride or die" chick I am.  I kept screwing (and screwing up) until there was only one screw left over!!! HA!

So here are the finished projects! 315 minutes later, each kidlet has a beautiful, albeit sweat stained bed.  Go me! Sooooooo, if I can muster up the strength, I will do my hair and take a pic to prove that I'm not a hideous beast behind this computer.  Rest well til then y'all.  I know the girls will!

EPIC ALERT!! RASPBERRY KETONE UPDATE!

OK Y'ALL.  This is LEGEND...wait for it (and I hope you aren't lactose intolerant) DAIRY!!! HAHA! I weighed in this morning (after I peed and stripped) and I nearly cried!  For the first time in a loooooooooong time, I weigh less than 160 pounds.  Less than I did in high school.  Less than I have in over a year and a half!!!!! 159 Y'all! 159!!!!! You have no idea how badly I wanted to leap with joy. I almost jumped up and down, but I was afraid that the number on the scale would change if I did! So it seems that the raspberry ketones and green coffee extract are working. Unreal.  down another pound even at the time of the month that always proves to ADD 3-5 pounds to my weight.  I'm pretty excited. I keep saying that I won't weigh in everyday, but by now you all know that that's Big ole' country fried  lie and that I'm pretty obsessed with the scale.  Hey! Don't you judge me! I'm just a mere mortal. :-) Have a great Sunday y'all!

Rasberry ketones (update)

     So I said I wouldn't weigh myself because evil Aunt Flo is in town but I couldn't resist since I started the Raspberry ketones, green coffee extract, dandelion root tea (which I haven't had yet), and green plums.  I stepped on the scale and to my ultimate surprise, even at my most bloated time of the month, I am down 2 pounds to an even 160!!! Sweet success...We will weigh again next Saturday.  Or tomorrow (because I'm a scale addict and I cant say if I'll be able to control my compulsive need to track every freakin pound!)
Mood: Content, energetic, FULL!
 These supplements absolutely work as appetite suppressants because its 8 o'clock, I have only consumed 650 calories and I am not even a little bit hungry! It's actually past lack of hunger.  I actually feel too full to eat. But...I will because eating less than 1200 calories will slow down my metabolism...OK? Happy now?!
Weight:160
Pounds to go: 20
Pounds shed: 20

The adventures of Shitty McGhee.

     So a lot of you may be wondering what happened after my visit with "Downtown Judy Brown" yesterday.  In case you aren't keeping up, read about it here Brown, James Brown.  So, two days into starting the raspberry ketones, green coffee, green plum diet, I started pooping as if I had been backed up for 13 years.  It was literally NON stop and after a few trips back and forth to the crapper, I decided to sit there until I knew my entire colon was empty (at which point, I was joined by all four of my daughters who wailed about how bad I stunk).
     After removing my ass, (and my children) from the bathroom, I remember that I really need to run to the bank before they closed.  I leave the kids with their playgroup and head off about 15 miles to the nearest bank.  At mile 14, strange things begin happening in my tummy.  Really strange things.  I could hear gurgling and bubbling coming from my "empty" colon, and all of a sudden, something breaks loose.  Now I don't know what it was, but waaaaaay up high in my intestines, a boulder liquefied and hit my butt like a ton of bricks. Then it happened...wait for it...I. SHARTED. I try desperately to clench my cheeks together because I refused to have a code Brown as a 30 year old woman.  I refused to leave chocolate colored streaks in my cream colored leather seats and drive 15 miles back home with creamy brown stank squishing itself into my nether regions.  I could already imagine running up the stairs to take a "Crying Game" shower only to be further humiliated as my daughters asked, "What's that horrible smell mommy?'"  Not me. Not today.  I'm a grown ass woman dammit! I did what any grown woman would do.  I called my partner and told her that I was nearly about to crap myself.  She urged me to find a place to go immediately and then she laughed and laughed at my horrible misfortune.
     We hung up and I ran to the closest place that I knew had a restroom.  Unfortunately, It was our favorite donut shop.  Unfortunately, the bathroom had an "out of order" sign. Unfortunately, the door was locked and the owner was in the back baking!!! fml. Then things got worse.  I just couldn't clench for another moment.  The turtle head was coming out, whether I liked it or not.  The dam was breaking, and right as I began to hang my head in shame, the owner appeared (she must have heard me jiggling the bathroom door like a psychopath) and said, "Its not really out of order, just pull hard and it will open."  Thank God! I pulled on the door, but not too hard for fear that any added pressure could cause a very delicate situation to become a smelly disaster.  The relief was like nothing you have ever know!  I didn't know that anyone person could carry that much (or be that loud).  I sat there for what seemed like an eternity then I washed my hands, purchased a water and got back to my car before anyone could smell pin the smell on me.

CODE BROWN.

 Well apparently these weight loss plums cause a sudden onset of painful diarrhea because something horrible happened when I pulled up to the bank just now...

The Routine (rasberry ketones, plums, dandelion tea)

     After failing miserably last month (losing only 1lb), I have decided to take some extra measures to peel off my remaining layers of fat.  I set a goal weight of 140lbs by October.  So, technically, I have roughly 2 months to lose 22 lbs.  Its doable, but I'm going to have to get off my lazy ass, stop having cheat days, and really exercise.  I don't know about you, but I really fuc freaking hate exercise.  I lost the first 20 lbs with diet alone, but I have hit a vicious plateau.  I'm going to have to work out.  Since I have no shortage of work out DVDs and just happen to have a gym in my home (lucky me), there is really no excuse.
     So...What else can I do?  I thought about HCG, but the rumors of cancer risks scared me away for now. (will do more research) I read about a few new supplements recommended by Dr. Oz and decided to give a few a try.  I settled on dandelion root tea and raspberry keytones.  I heard about weight loss plums from an herbalist and decided to give them a try too.  All the supplements I chose are chemical free and don't have any know side affects.  Combined with torture  exercise and a diet of roughly 1200 calories a day, I KNOW I can make my goal weight.  Now, if I could just buy a little will power...

Tired of spare tires (and love handles, back fat, and my muffin top)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8sCsFtEBBA&feature=plcp

     You wanna know what's the most amazing thing about me losing 20 lbs?  The fact that I look in the mirror and see how chubby I still am!  I mean, if I'm a chubby monster at 162llbs, how much more of a chubby monster was I at 180 lbs?! So I actually started this journey in June 2012. I lost 18 lbs in 2 months just from changing my eating habits.  Unfortunately, I had this brilliant idea to keep dieting for another month without weighing myself.  With 20 lbs to go, I felt as though I didn't need the added stress that came with weighing in everyday.  I literally went crazy every-time the scale moved up 1/4 of a pound!  I started analyzing everything I had eaten the day before, plotting how I would only eat 200 calories for the next three days, and then finally, I would settle into a scale induced depression that could only be cured by ice cream.  Crazy right?  Well most days, I skipped the ice cream and even without exercise, my diet seemed to work.
     August was a different story.  At the end of 4 weeks, of NOT weighing, I had only lost a pound.  Its seems that however psychotic the scale had made me, it had kept me in check.  So now I've made up my mind that its time to stop playing games with myself, the scale, exercise, and unfortunately, ice cream. Oh Dear Lord, please help me,

If you Knew me...

You would know: 1. I thought I would never have ANY children...then I fell in love with my first daughter and the rest is history. I'm a proud mother of 4. 2. I have a lot of tattoos and piercings...(17) total 3. I don't like pets (sorry animal lovers. no hard feeling right?) 4. I don't wear diamonds, and I never will. 5. I wish desperately to be organized but alas, I'm the messiest person I know. 6. I speak 4 languages and I'm learning my 5th. ...to be continued

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad treadmill.

I just don't want to work out! I hate it! What else is there to say about this dammit? I reeeeeeaaaally don't like running, or sweating, or p90freakingpsychoX, but I reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally want a six pack and thighs that don't touch. So my only option is to get up and do it anyway.  I'm still thinking about it though....